Family Chores, Weaponized

The Dishes Have Declared War.

Chores Wars turns the chores your kids already ignore into a game they cannot stop playing. Real chores earn loot. Loot arms their avatar. Their avatar fights the germs. And nothing counts until a parent signs off.

Enlist Your Family How It Works

Ben took out the trash. Mom signed off. +10 The Scrub Saber hits for 24. It is super effective. Sir Reeks-A-Lot used Smell. Nobody is surprised.

A Word To The Recruits

Listen kid, you're going to have to do these chores anyway. Might as well level up in the process and teach your parents that video games can actually be productive.

In a world where the dishwasher is always full... and the trash is always "about to" go out... one family will finally fight back.

Insert Coin

The Tale Of The Germs

A Chores Wars Saga In 8 Bits

Sound on. One coin. Unlimited continues.

Long ago, in a kitchen far, far away...

The dishes were clean. The floors were crumb free. Every sock had a partner.

Then came the Dark Age Of "I Will Do It Later."

From the bottom of the laundry pile, the Sock Goblin rose. One sock from every pair vanished. Forever.

Beneath the couch cushions, Captain Crumb raised a crew. The crew was also crumbs.

Under the beds, the Dust Bunny Horde multiplied. Nobody looked. That was the mistake.

In the bathroom, the Mildew Marauder claimed every towel ever left on the floor.

Atop the trash can, Sir Reeks-A-Lot was knighted. By no one. He did it himself.

And in the back of the fridge, behind the mustard, the Thing In The Fridge... awoke.

The germs grew bold. The parents grew tired. The dishwasher stayed full.

But the prophecy spoke of an army. An army of sponges. Of spray bottles. Of one extremely powerful plunger.

Only one army can stop them.

Yours.

Game Start?

Only One Army Can Stop Them. Yours.

Enlist Your Family

How It Works

Chores In. Loot Out.

The loop takes about ten seconds to learn and a full childhood to escape.

Do The Chore

The real one. Dishwasher, trash, the bathroom nobody admits to using. Kids check it off on their own phone.

A Parent Signs Off

Nothing counts until you approve it. "I did it" and "I did it" are not the same sentence, and you know it.

Earn The Loot

Two kinds. In the game: coins, crates and gear with stats. In real life: the rewards you set, from allowance to an ice cream run, each with its own progress bar.

Battle The Germs

Their avatar, armed with what they earned, fights waves of household filth. Skip the chores, lose the war.

Earn The Loot

Two Kinds Of Loot

One kind lives in the game. The other kind is real, and you are the one who decides what it is.

In The Game

Coins open loot crates. Crates drop gear. Gear has stats. Stats win wars.

In Real Life

Allowance money, ice cream, a later bedtime, screen time, a trip. Whatever you want. You set it, you set the price in points.

Progress bars on every reward, so "how much longer" has an answer.
Streaks for days in a row. Breaking one hurts. That is the point.
Level-ups and milestones for the long game: first ten chores, week warrior, bathroom legend.

BenLevel 9 Scrub Knight

6Day Streak

Level 9740 / 1,000 XP

Rewards Mom And Dad Set

$5 Allowance400 / 500 pts
Ice Cream RunReady To Claim
Pick The Movie120 / 200 pts
Later Bedtime, Friday90 / 350 pts

First 10 ChoresWeek WarriorBathroom Legend (2 To Go)

Know Your Enemy

The Germs

They live in your house. They do not pay rent. Every chore your kids skip makes them stronger.

Common · HP 40

The Sock Goblin

Appears wherever one sock goes missing. Has never been seen. Has every sock you own.

Attack: 3
Speed: 9
Gross Factor: 2

SpecialVanish (Takes One Sock)

WeaknessLaundry day

Common · HP 55

Captain Crumb

Lives under the couch cushion. Has a crew. The crew is also crumbs.

Attack: 4
Speed: 5
Gross Factor: 3

SpecialCall The Crew

WeaknessThe vacuum

Swarm · HP 120

The Dust Bunny Horde

Individually harmless. They are never individual. They breed.

Attack: 2
Speed: 7
Gross Factor: 4

SpecialMultiply (Again)

WeaknessAnyone who looks under a bed

Elite · HP 210

Mildew Marauder

Grows on anything left wet for more than a day. Mostly towels. Mostly yours.

Attack: 6
Speed: 2
Gross Factor: 7

SpecialDamp Towel Ambush

WeaknessA squeegee and some self-respect

Boss · HP 400

Sir Reeks-A-Lot

The trash can's final form. Summoned when nobody takes it out "after dinner."

Attack: 8
Speed: 3
Gross Factor: 9

SpecialSmell (It Is Very Effective)

WeaknessTaking it out after dinner

Legendary · HP 999

The Thing In The Fridge

Nobody knows how long it has been there. That includes the thing.

Attack: 10
Speed: 0
Gross Factor: 11?!

SpecialHas Not Moved Since 2019

WeaknessUnknown. Wear gloves.

The Armory

Gear With Stats

Coins open loot crates. Crates drop gear. Gear has stats. Stats win wars. Your kid will explain the stats to you at dinner, at length.

Legendary · Weapon

The Scrub Saber

+12 Attack
Cleaves grout

Legendary · Mystery

Loot Crate

One random item
Sometimes a sock

Epic · Back

Sucktron 9000 Vac Pack

+15 Suction
Area damage vs. Dust Bunnies

Epic · Weapon

Spray Bottle Blaster

+7 Ranged
20 shots per refill

Rare · Hands

Rubber Gloves Of Destiny

+5 Grip
+3 Gross Resistance

Rare · Weapon

The Plunger Of Power

+9 Attack
Unclogs bosses

Common · Head

Bucket Helm

+4 Defense
-2 Dignity

Common · Off-Hand

Sponge Shield

+6 Block
Absorbs three times its weight in juice

Create Your Character

Everybody Plays. Even Dad.

Every kid gets a character. So do Mom and Dad, because parents do not just approve chores, they fight in this war too. Pick a class, suit up from the Armory, level up together.

Legendary · Kid · Scrub Knight

The Recruit

WearingScrub Saber, Sponge Shield

+12 Attack
+6 Defense
+99 Energy

Main character energy. Unlimited stamina, right up until someone says the word "chores." This fixes that.

Rare · Teen · Ranged Specialist

The Big Sib

WearingSpray Bottle Blaster

+14 Ranged
+7 Speed
+99 Eye Rolls

Says the whole thing is cringe. Is currently in first place. Will not be discussing it.

Epic · Mom · Field Marshal

The Commander

WearingSucktron 9000, Rubber Gloves Of Destiny

+20 Leadership
+15 Suction
+100 Finds Things

Plays the game and runs HQ. Already knows where your other shoe is. It is under the couch, next to Captain Crumb.

Common · Dad · Plunger Paladin

The Dad

WearingBucket Helm, Plunger Of Power

+9 Attack
+4 Defense
-2 Dignity

Rarity: Common. Insists the box said Collector's Edition. The socks with sandals are a build choice.

Special Unit

Summon The Pets

Pets are companions you can summon in the middle of a germ fight. They are not always helpful. They are always ready.

Epic · Summon

The Good Boy

Summon: Crumb PatrolEats Captain Crumb's entire crew in one turn. Also your sandwich.

Power9
Cooldown1 Turn
Listens100% (Food)

Rare · Summon

The Supervisor

Summon: Knock It OffPushes one mug off the counter. Every germ in the room is Stunned for 2 turns. Shows no remorse.

Power7
Cooldown3 Turns
Listens4%

Legendary · Summon

Sir Bubbles

Summon: The StareDoes nothing at all, with total confidence. Germs are Confused for 1 turn. Nobody can explain it.

Power0
CooldownNone
Confidence100

Special Abilities

Every Family Has Signature Moves

You already have these. Now they have cooldowns.

Dad

Angry Dad Walk

Debuff

All germs fall into Fear or Submission. Enemy Speed -50%.

Cooldown1 Per Day

Not running. Not shouting. Just walking. Somehow worse.

Mom

Mom's Chocolate Chip Cookies

Buff

Whole team +20 Morale, +10 Attack.

CooldownUntil They Run Out

You feel like you can do anything. You can. Cookie first.

Mom Or Dad

The Full Name

Stun

Every germ is Stunned for 3 turns.

Cooldown1 Per Week

First, middle and last. Everything in the house stops. Including the dog.

Any Parent

I'm Not Mad, I'm Disappointed

Armor Piercing

40 guilt damage. Ignores all Defense.

Cooldown1 Per Month

Hits harder than yelling. Science cannot explain it.

Dad

Dad Joke

Debuff

All enemies -15 Morale. Allies -5 Morale.

CooldownNone. He Will Not Stop.

Why did the germ cross the road? It did not. It got cleaned.

Any Parent

Pizza Night

Team Heal

Full team heal. +1 Family Bond.

CooldownFridays

Restores all HP. Morale holds until someone takes the last slice.

Mom

Look With Your Eyes

Reveal

Reveals every hidden germ, sock and missing shoe.

CooldownInstant

You looked for ten minutes. She looked for one second. It was right there.

Kids

Sibling Tag Team

Combo

Two kids, one chore, double loot.

Cooldown1 Per Day

Lasts until someone asks who did more. About four minutes.

Kid

But I Already Did It

Dodge

50% dodge chance. Parent sign-off required.

CooldownAlways Ready

Bold move. HQ will check. HQ always checks.

Dad Jingles

Every Chore Ends With A Song. Your Song.

Record yourself singing about the dishwasher to the tune of a video game you half remember. Every time a kid finishes a chore, one plays at random. They will beg you to stop. Do not stop.

The Dishwasher Theme (8-Bit Remix)0:24

Trash Night, A Power Ballad0:41

Socks Are Not A Floor Decoration0:18

Level Up, Laundry Boy0:33

For Parents

You Are The Final Boss

The game is for them. HQ is for you: a calm, real organizer for the whole family. The calendar, the chore schedule, the sign-offs and the rewards, all in one place, so the house runs itself a little more every week.

Family HQ

This WeekFamily Calendar

Tue

Soccer Practice5:30 PM
Synced
Unload DishwasherAfternoon · Mia
Feed The DogEvening · Leo

Wed

Piano Lesson4:00 PM
Synced
Daily Quest: Clean The CarFirst To Finish Wins · Everyone

Sat

Clean Your RoomMorning · Ben
Kids BathroomMorning · Mia

Sign-Off Queue2 Waiting

Ben: Took Out The Trash6:42 PM · +10 pts

ApproveSend Back
Mia: Wiped The Table7:15 PM · +5 pts

ApproveSend Back

In HQBoth Parents

MomDadBen · PINMia · PINLeo · PIN

Nothing Counts Until You Sign Off

Every checked chore waits in your queue. Approve it or send it back. Half-wiped tables do not get loot.

One Family Calendar

Soccer, piano, the dentist. Mirror your Google Calendar so games and chores live on one screen, and nobody double books Saturday.

Real Schedules

"Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, Saturday morning." Set chores by weekday and time of day, per kid, the way your house actually runs.

Rewards You Control

Allowance, screen time, a later bedtime, picking dinner. You set the reward and the price in points. They save up or they do not.

Daily Quests

Drop a bonus chore for today. First kid to finish it wins. Watch two siblings race to clean a bathroom. Voluntarily.

Both Parents In HQ

Invite the other parent with a link. Either of you can approve, assign or reward. Nobody has to be the only one keeping track.

Each Kid, Their Own Phone

Kids sign in on the phone or tablet they already have with your family's Base Code, their first name and a PIN you set. Runs like an app from the home screen.

Built For Kids, Safely

A first name and a PIN. That is all we know about your kids. No ads, no strangers, no selling anything to your children. Ever.

Coming Soon

Meal Planning And Nutrition Power-Ups

Plan healthy meals as a family, eat them together, and your characters earn Buffs and Stats for the crazier fights ahead. Vegetables, now with damage numbers.

Coming Soon

Rare · Power-Up

Broccoli Buff

+10 Defense

Tiny trees. Enormous armor.

Coming Soon

Epic · Power-Up

Water Power-Up

+8 Speed

Drink it before the boss fight, not instead of the boss fight.

Coming Soon

Legendary · Power-Up

Family Dinner Bonus

+50 XP, Whole Team

Phones in the basket. Everyone levels up.

Now Recruiting

Enlist Your Family

Chores Wars is in training with its first family. Join the list and you will be among the first to deploy.